Howard C. Wilkinson - "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother" (April 25, 1965)

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-	That's weekend at Duke University.	0:03
	That means that we are honoring the fathers	0:09
	of our sophomore coeds.	0:12
	I mentioned this in the very beginning of the sermon	0:16
	for purposes of clarification,	0:19
	because if the present rate of early student marriages	0:23
	continues we may need to have a special celebration	0:27
	of sophomore male students who have already become dads.	0:32
	Sophomore dads weekend.	0:37
	As a text for the sermon on this special occasion,	0:42
	I have chosen the fifth of the 10 commandments.	0:47
	In spite of the fact that it is almost irrelevant	0:52
	to the life of a 20th century christian.	0:57
	Now here is the commandment in full.	1:01
	Honor thy father and thy mother	1:04
	that thy days may be long upon the land,	1:08
	which the Lord thy God giveth thee.	1:12
	That's found in Exodus 20:12.	1:16
	And is a part of the morning scripture lesson	1:19
	which was read by my Penny Cunningham.	1:22
	Now, there are two reasons why this ancient commandment	1:26
	is almost irrelevant to your and my life today.	1:31
	The first reason is that the problem	1:35
	to which it was addressed,	1:38
	is relatively non existent in our nation today.	1:42
	When we study the circumstances in Moses time,	1:48
	we can see this commandment in a new perspective	1:53
	perhaps different from what we have seen it in.	1:58
	As we have simply read the words.	2:02
	Historically understood, this was not a commandment	2:06
	given for the purpose of properly rearing young children.	2:11
	Since in Hebrew homes of that era	2:18
	the young were strictly required	2:20
	to obey and respect their parents.	2:23
	A mosaic commandment to this effect	2:27
	was really quite unnecessary.	2:30
	It was almost like commanding thy must breathe air.	2:34
	They would do it in any case	2:39
	whether Moses commanded it or not.	2:41
	Actually the problem which existed in Moses time	2:45
	and to which this commandment spoke,	2:50
	had to do with adult children of aged and helpless parents.	2:53
	The custom in some societies	3:02
	of which the Hebrews had knowledge,	3:06
	was to send the elderly and helpless away out of camp.	3:09
	And they were soon set upon by wild beast	3:16
	or they died from exposure to the elements.	3:18
	It is quite evident as we read the book of Psalms	3:23
	that the Psalmist had witnessed such tragedies as this	3:26
	because he was moved on one occasion to pray.	3:30
	Cast me not off in the time of old age.	3:35
	Forsake me not, when my strength failed.	3:39
	Well, you see the mosaic law came to forbid	3:44
	such cruel treatment.	3:48
	It spoke a commanding word to any Hebrew man	3:52
	who might be contemplating the introduction	3:55
	of the this pagan practice into the camp of the Israelites.	3:58
	But it was more than a stern and severe word,	4:04
	more than just a harsh commandment.	4:08
	It had a bargaining dimension to it.	4:11
	An aspect of enlightened self-interest.	4:15
	It seemed to be saying, if you will establish the practice	4:20
	of seeing to it, that your parents are protected	4:27
	and nourished, as long as they can live,	4:31
	this practice will later result in your own life	4:36
	being lengthened.	4:39
	The fifth commandment appeared to be coaxing.	4:42
	Remember, one day you will be old too.	4:46
	So don't turn your elderly parents out of camp now,	4:50
	unless you want to be treated that way yourself.	4:55
	It was an almost commercial quid pro quo.	5:01
	Do A and receive B.	5:05
	Now, do you get the emphasis?	5:10
	Honor thy father and thy mother	5:13
	that thy days may be long upon the land,	5:15
	which the Lord thy God giveth thee.	5:19
	The prospect of ones being cared for himself	5:25
	when he should become old	5:30
	was the sugar coating on the pill	5:31
	of being commanded to feed extra mouths	5:35
	and to cloth extra bodies of persons,	5:38
	no longer able to hold their own	5:41
	in the struggles for survival	5:43
	in that primitive day.	5:45
	This commandment therefore might just as easily have read,	5:49
	honor thy father and thy mother	5:53
	that their days may be long upon the land	5:56
	which the Lord their God giveth them.	6:00
	Except, that the problem which Moses	6:05
	would have faced immediately in that case	6:09
	would have been that many of the non elderly adults	6:12
	of his day would have responded to it	6:16
	by saying so what, who cares?	6:18
	At that point in human history, it apparently was necessary	6:24
	to appeal almost entirely to the motive of self-interest.	6:29
	As Jesus said later, concerning Moses in divorce.	6:35
	He prescribed what he did	6:39
	because of the hardness of their hearts.	6:41
	The Christ had not yet come in Moses day	6:47
	declaring his doctrine of our need to love	6:50
	because we have first been loved	6:54
	beyond what we can ever deserve or repay.	6:57
	But now you can see how that in 20th century America	7:04
	with its plans for retirement income,	7:08
	endowment insurance policies,	7:11
	homes for the aged and social security	7:13
	to mention only a few.	7:17
	These visions of elderly parents being torn limb from limb	7:20
	by wild animals or starving to death	7:25
	out on a bleak mountainside, do seem just a bit unreal.	7:28
	Nothing at all, which I think or plan or do	7:35
	for example about my parents	7:39
	who are in their middle and late seventies,	7:41
	is done because of any anxiety that I have	7:45
	either about their or my starving to death in old age.	7:49
	The last United States census,	7:55
	showed that 77%,	7:58
	77% of all people over 65 years of age	8:01
	in the United States	8:09
	are living in homes of their own relatively independent	8:10
	of their adult children.	8:15
	So you can see the difference between Moses day and our day.	8:17
	Now, the second reason why this fifth commandment	8:24
	is almost irrelevant to the life of a 20th century Christian	8:26
	is the fact that we do not live under the requirements	8:31
	of any of the 10 commandments.	8:36
	The Christian is totally free from the mosaic law.	8:40
	Absolutely.	8:44
	It has no required bearing at all	8:46
	upon his actions from day to day.	8:49
	The Christian is not bound by the commandment	8:53
	against stealing.	8:55
	The old Testament command against murder	8:58
	does not apply to the Christian.	9:00
	Laws against drinking and drunkenness do not govern	9:03
	the true Christian's behavior.	9:06
	What the mosaic law says,	9:10
	in prohibiting fornication and adultery	9:12
	does not control what the sincere Christian does on a date.	9:15
	And in similar fashion, the fifth of the 10 commandments	9:21
	honor thy father and thy mother	9:25
	is not a law binding the Christian.	9:30
	Well if at this point you are ready to conclude	9:36
	that the Duke University chaplain	9:39
	has utterly gone out of his mind.	9:42
	You should be cautioned by the reminder	9:46
	that this doctrine comes straight from the New Testament.	9:49
	Indeed, the setting forth of this doctrine,	9:56
	occupies a significant portion of the writings	9:59
	of the apostle Paul, for example and in particular.	10:03
	Paul's theology at this point	10:09
	can at least be stated briefly, if not stated simply.	10:10
	Here it is.	10:16
	God revealed his righteous and holy nature to man.	10:18
	And in the Old Testament law commanded us	10:25
	to be righteous also.	10:28
	But the empirical discovery, which both man and God made	10:31
	is that unregenerate man does not seem to measure up	10:38
	to God's law.	10:41
	This is true, not merely of some humans, but of all men.	10:44
	The apostle Paul wrote to the Romans and here are his words.	10:51
	There is none righteous.	10:56
	No, not one.	10:58
	There is none that seek it after God.	11:00
	There is none that do it good.	11:03
	No, not one.	11:06
	All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.	11:09
	So what?	11:14
	So this, Paul continued.	11:16
	So this is my experience of the law.	11:18
	I want to do what is right, but wrong is all I can manage.	11:22
	Now, the conclusion to which Paul came	11:30
	after this very devastatingly,	11:32
	honest exercise in soul searching,	11:35
	was a very gloomy one.	11:39
	He said, therefore, by the deeds of the law	11:42
	there shall no flesh be justified in his sight.	11:47
	The whole human race stands under judgment	11:55
	by reason of our failure to be what we were created to be	11:58
	or to do what we were commanded to do.	12:03
	But Paul taught that God not only	12:08
	is infinitely righteous and holy,	12:13
	but infinitely loving as well.	12:16
	We find in 2 Peter, words which would beautifully express,	12:22
	not only Paul's theology,	12:26
	but that of the entire New Testament, just here.	12:28
	The Lord is long suffering	12:32
	not wishing that any should perish	12:35
	but that all should come to repentance.	12:39
	And for all persons who recognize their guilt,	12:44
	admit their own inability to save themselves	12:48
	are willing to die to sin and throw themselves	12:52
	on the mercy of God through Christ.	12:55
	There is forgiveness, acceptance, regeneration	12:59
	and a new life here,	13:05
	as well as eternal life hereafter.	13:07
	The apostle Paul taught that this new life in Christ	13:12
	is radically different	13:15
	from the old life under law and judgment.	13:18
	He wrote to the Romans these words,	13:21
	there is no doom now for those who are in Christ Jesus.	13:24
	The law of the spirit brings the life	13:30
	which is in Christ Jesus.	13:35
	And that law has set me free from the law of sin and death.	13:37
	The crucified body of Christ made you dead to the law,	13:45
	so that you might belong to another	13:50
	to him who was raised from dead	13:53
	for when we were unspiritual,	13:55
	the sinful cravings of the body,	13:58
	excited by the law were active in our members	14:02
	and made us fruitful unto death.	14:06
	But now we are done with the law	14:09
	so that we might serve in a new way	14:12
	not under the written code as of old, but in the spirit.	14:14
	The true Christian thereby becomes a joyful witness	14:23
	to God's act of reconciliation.	14:27
	And he enters a life of grateful obedience	14:31
	under the beckoning of spirit	14:34
	rather than under the lash of the law.	14:36
	He therefore needs no commandment against murder	14:40
	because he loves his neighbor as himself.	14:43
	And one does not kill a person whom he loves.	14:46
	He needs no commandment against fornication	14:51
	or adultery or lying or stealing and all the rest.	14:53
	Because in answer to God's prior love,	14:58
	he lives in terms of a spirit which knows no harm	15:02
	to anyone and which negate any selfish use of others.	15:07
	Well, if we say that the Christian	15:17
	does not need the sixth commandment	15:19
	that is the one against murder	15:21
	because his Christian life of love takes care of all that.	15:23
	In what way does a Christian life	15:28
	of take care of what the fifth commandment covers?	15:31
	In other words, what does it mean for a Christian	15:38
	sophomore co-ed to honor her father and her mother?	15:41
	And what does it mean for a father of a duke co-ed	15:46
	to honor his elderly father and mother?	15:50
	I said in the beginning of this sermon	15:56
	that the fifth commandment was almost irrelevant	15:57
	to the life of the 20th century Christian.	16:01
	Almost, but not entirely.	16:04
	The commandment against stealing for example	16:08
	is partially relevant	16:11
	as a school master to bring us	16:15
	to the Christian doctrine of the sacredness	16:20
	of the possessions of others.	16:23
	It is relevant to that extent.	16:27
	The old Testament law which established tithing	16:31
	is not totally useless.	16:34
	If it teaches us to understand and accept	16:37
	the Christian doctrine of the stewardship	16:40
	of our possessions.	16:44
	So now on the one hand,	16:49
	the Christian should not to quickly forget the law.	16:50
	Lest he prematurely sever the umbilical cord	16:55
	which historically and theologically	16:59
	connects the law and the gospels.	17:02
	But on the other hand, he should, by all means	17:06
	not regard the commandments	17:09
	as either a leash to hold or a lash to drive us	17:11
	to any kind of legalism in religion.	17:15
	Now, by this reasoning, we come to see the partial relevance	17:21
	of the commandment, honor thy father and thy mother.	17:26
	We see it as a guide pointing toward a relationship of love	17:32
	and respect and honor.	17:37
	Not circumscribed by any kind of legalism	17:41
	and not motivated by any enlightened self-interest.	17:45
	But motivated by a love which springs	17:52
	from the wholesome experience of having first been loved.	17:55
	And that is the important thing.	18:01
	Now, having come to this point in our thinking	18:05
	we must be very careful.	18:09
	It would be easy as we move forward from here	18:13
	to generalize, to glamorize, to idolize, to over draw,	18:16
	to overstate and to embroider the ideal relationship,	18:23
	which should exist between parent and child.	18:28
	So much so that we would reach the point	18:32
	that we would soon discover ourselves	18:34
	be floating high in the atmosphere	18:36
	on a vast cloud of modeling and reality.	18:38
	I have seen this done.	18:43
	Regard against that.	18:47
	Let us turn our attention now for a couple of minutes	18:49
	to certain stubborn facts.	18:52
	This is a threatening word to some people.	18:58
	A Trinity College student,	19:04
	came up to me in the middle of the week	19:07
	after seeing the now sermon titled for today.	19:09
	And he said, chaplain, I won't be with you in Chapel Sunday.	19:12
	This sermon topic is too threatening.	19:16
	I'll be in my room, listening in on the radio	19:19
	so I can cut out on you if it gets too bad.	19:21
	Are you still with me, buddy?	19:25
	A first of these stubborn facts,	19:31
	is that every son or daughter who achieves personhood,	19:34
	every son or daughter who achieves personhood,	19:42
	who becomes an individual and is enabled to stand	19:45
	on his own feet	19:49
	must go through a transition period.	19:51
	When he or she rebels to some degree against parents,	19:56
	this is normal.	20:04
	This is necessary.	20:06
	This is right.	20:08
	But this is almost always is shocking	20:10
	when it happens so far as the parent is concerned.	20:13
	And parents almost always draw alarming conclusions	20:19
	and generalize from it that the entire younger generation	20:24
	is going to the dogs.	20:28
	Let me read you something.	20:31
	There is a book entitled Kids, Crime and Chaos	20:33
	which was written by Dr. Tunley.	20:38
	And here is a quotation, which he has in his book.	20:41
	This quotation is from a parent.	20:46
	"Youth is disintegrating.	20:50
	"The youngsters of the land have a disrespect	20:53
	"for authority in every form.	20:55
	"Vandalism is rife and crimes of all kind	20:58
	"a rampant among our young people.	21:01
	"The nation is in dire peril."	21:04
	Do you know who wrote that?	21:07
	And Egyptian father who lived 2000 years before Christ.	21:10
	Let me read you another one from a man who wrote	21:17
	many many years later.	21:20
	"Our youth loved luxury.	21:23
	"They have bad manners.	21:26
	"They have contempt for authority	21:28
	"disrespect for older people.	21:30
	"Why children nowadays are tyrants.	21:33
	"They no longer rise when their elders enter the room,	21:35
	"they contradict their parents.	21:38
	"They chatter before a company,	21:40
	"they gobble their food and terrorize their teachers."	21:41
	You know, who wrote that?	21:45
	Socrates.	21:47
	Only 500 years before Christ.	21:51
	Well, parents do get alarmed.	21:55
	Sometimes properly, so.	22:00
	But generalize, usually beyond the particulars.	22:03
	Now we need to go another step further	22:09
	and recognize another stubborn fact.	22:13
	And that is that many parents, frankly	22:15
	do not deserve the respect of their children.	22:19
	Either the father or the mother	22:24
	or both have been unfaithful	22:25
	to their family responsibilities.	22:28
	A few years ago, I spent a week on another campus.	22:32
	I heard a young woman describe how her mother	22:36
	was a fashionable prostitute.	22:39
	Her father was a prosecuting attorney	22:41
	who often was successful in getting men sent	22:43
	to the roads for drunkenness,	22:46
	but who himself frequently came home drunk in a taxi cab	22:48
	and gave his children a very hard time all evening.	22:51
	Some parents, perhaps they don't know any better,	22:57
	will threaten to withdraw their love	23:01
	from their small children,	23:04
	if the children do anything to displease them.	23:07
	This is extremely damaging to a small child.	23:11
	More than a few child psychologists have pointed out	23:17
	that the young have two needs	23:20
	which are very important to their welfare.	23:23
	But which often run a foul of each other	23:28
	in a home where parents do not understand	23:30
	these two basic needs.	23:33
	The first is a need to express their hostilities.	23:35
	And the second is a need to feel that they are loved.	23:42
	Now, the problem arises at the point	23:47
	that parents often require things of small children	23:49
	which the small children resent.	23:53
	Go wash the dirt out of your ears, pick up your toys.	23:57
	Don't pet that strange dog.	24:00
	Turn down the volume on the TV,	24:02
	eat your spinach, come in out of the rain.	24:04
	Now the child does not want to obey	24:08
	any of these instructions.	24:11
	And if required to do so	24:13
	he will certainly feel hostilities	24:15
	which he will wish to express.	24:18
	The wise parent will require	24:21
	that the instructions be obeyed,	24:24
	but will allow the child to express any hostile feelings	24:28
	which this requirement generates.	24:32
	But when an unwise parent leads the child to believe	24:36
	that he will stop loving him,	24:40
	if he says anything unpleasant	24:43
	or does anything which displeases the parent,	24:45
	the child generally will outwardly conform	24:49
	in order to retain the love of the parent	24:53
	which the child desperately needs.	24:56
	But will store up a treasure house full of bitterness	25:01
	of hostility and resentment,	25:06
	which will have to be dealt with later on.	25:10
	If that child ever matures	25:13
	into a happy and well adjusted person.	25:15
	When a student editor begins to hunt for flaws	25:20
	and inconsistencies in the college administration,	25:23
	and when he finds nothing but flaws and inconsistencies	25:27
	most psychiatrists would agree	25:32
	on what the probable explanation of this is.	25:33
	They contend it is less likely	25:37
	that the college administration	25:40
	is actually cruel and crotchety.	25:42
	And it is more likely that the editor is revealing	25:45
	a poor relationship to his own parents.	25:48
	And he probably has a hatred of his father	25:52
	which he's transferring to the college administration.	25:55
	Several years ago,	26:01
	I asked a student editor,	26:03
	what he understood the Latin phrase	26:05
	in loco parentis to mean.	26:07
	He replied, "It means that students	26:11
	"have parents at home	26:14
	"and deans and other administrators	26:16
	"at college who substitute for parents.	26:18
	"And that both sets of parents are local."	26:20
	Now, what is far more helpful	26:27
	than having the maturing young person vent his startup wrath	26:31
	on persons who had nothing to do	26:37
	whatever with the origin of his wrath,	26:39
	is to have him deal with it constructively and creatively	26:43
	in a counseling relationship	26:47
	with a trained pastor or therapist.	26:51
	Very often I sit in my office	26:55
	and listen to a torrent of hot words,	26:57
	being poured out by a student	27:00
	who is trying to find a wholesomeness of being	27:03
	and a sense of justice which will permit him	27:08
	to believe in the fairness of God	27:11
	and the possibility of integrity on earth.	27:14
	So I listen,	27:18
	I listen to some acid denunciation of parents	27:21
	without any trace of disapproval or criticism.	27:25
	Until the story has been fully told,	27:31
	and the young woman or the young man feels	27:35
	that in some sense	27:38
	he has had his day in court for the first time.	27:39
	But if without such an opportunity	27:46
	this young woman is told by the church	27:48
	that in addition to being saddled with a prostitute mother	27:51
	and a drunken hypocrite father	27:55
	she has the religious duty to honor both of them.	27:56
	She is placed in an emotionally impossible situation	28:01
	which may destroy her indeed.	28:05
	And I do not propose to do that or be a party to it.	28:10
	Honor thy father and thy mother.	28:15
	Always?	28:18
	How and in what sense?	28:21
	Well, for many of you this is no problem at all.	28:26
	You have a fine relationship with a fine set of parents.	28:30
	You may even be in almost complete agreement	28:34
	with your parents on most of the questions of life.	28:38
	You respect them.	28:42
	You love them.	28:44
	You agree with them.	28:46
	You honor them, you are sensitive to their needs.	28:47
	But let me suggest	28:52
	that you still can honor your father and your mother,	28:54
	if you don't agree with them.	28:58
	And even if you do not fully approve of what they do,	29:01
	if you honor someone you regard him with respect	29:06
	for what he is.	29:09
	Furthermore, if you yourself	29:12
	rise to the highest achievements of which you are capable	29:16
	you bring honor to those who made you what you are.	29:21
	And the two people who are of course, basic to what you are	29:27
	are your father and your mother.	29:34
	And in achieving your highest possibilities	29:37
	you do honor your father and your mother.	29:40
	I commend to you the example of the late John F. Kennedy	29:45
	President Kennedy, loved his father deeply.	29:50
	He respected him.	29:54
	He listened to him and he learned many things from him.	29:56
	He radically disagreed with him	30:00
	on almost all the answers to political questions.	30:03
	Still, he honored his father	30:08
	and his father knew that he did.	30:10
	Not primarily because he became president	30:13
	of the United States.	30:16
	But primarily because he followed the light	30:18
	of his conscience.	30:22
	And he did the right as God gave him to see the right.	30:24
	And so let me suggest that you too,	30:31
	all of you, Honor thy father and thy mother.	30:34
	Eternal God, our heavenly father,	30:46
	we thank thee for the example of divine parenthood	30:49
	which thou has set for us.	30:52
	May those of us who are parents,	30:56
	follow thy example,	30:58
	and those of us who are sons and daughters	31:01
	honor both thee and our earthly parents.	31:04
	And now may the grace of the Lord	31:09
	Jesus Christ be with you all.	31:11

Item Info

Title:

Howard C. Wilkinson - "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother" (April 25, 1965)

Permalink:

https://idn.duke.edu/ark:/87924/r4833s026

Date:

April 25, 1965

Speaker:

Wilkinson, Howard C.

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Duke University. Chapel

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UA.17.01.0003 RR-0294
ref5793_23y
uachapelsermaud
duke:627911
dcrau002293
ark:/87924/r4833s026
9bff642c-63cb-48b7-a26d-d72b38686f7e

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Howard C. Wilkinson - "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother" (April 25, 1965)

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Duke University Archives