- Got any news from my gossip column, Mr. Whipple? 

- I'll say, it's the squeezers again. 

- The squeezers? 

- Those women are squeezing new Charmin bathroom tissue like there's no tomorrow. (women gasping) 

- New Charmin is actually softer than before. 

- Oh, I can't wait to squeeze it. 

- Hello, I just wanna get the facts. 

- Well, new Charmin's more squeezably soft than ever. 

- May I quote you? 

- Sure. 

- Squeeze for yourself. (women gasping) 

- You're right, I can't keep my hands off it. 

- Ladies, this squeezing has got to stop. 

- He hasn't gotten any softer. 

- Maybe not, but he's given me my story. Mr. Whipple caught in the act of squeezing his new Charmin. 

Narrator: New Charmin bathroom tissue. Now more squeezably soft.